After users not being able to join or save profile edits for days now, I finally got that fixed. In typical Dolphin fashion, fix one major error and another pops up and nowwww....
When new users view their own profiles, they're getting this error message instead of their profiles:
Fatal error: Call to a member function set() on a non-object in /home/gsadmin/public_html/inc/utils.inc.php on line 578
They can go to profile edits from the edit link on the dashboard and/or the popup hover menu on member pages, however, edits won't save for them (they will for pre-existing members, though). It's the same incredibly frustrating "click save and nothing happens at all" issue as before, it's just limited to new members instead of all members.
Odd side note: I can edit the profile from the Admin menu and save changes even when the member can't edit their own profile.